Search

The V Word

Advocating to end sexual and domestic violence

Open Search

Surviving Sexual Assault and Guilt

After working with sexual assault survivors, one of the most common themes that arises is guilt. Survivors feel guilt for not stopping an assault when they believe they could have, guilt for not pressing charges, guilt for pressing charges, guilt for putting this emotional burdon on their loved ones, guilt for disrupting the family when disclosing that a relative has been abusive.

When seeking counseling to work through an assault, guilt is usually a large topic that is addressed through a variety of methods. But one important first step is to recognize the kind of guilt you have (Grohol, 2007).

Grohol breaks this step down into “healthy guilt” and “unhealthy guilt.” Healthy guilt involves a situation when you know you have acted inappropriately, like when you’ve had that “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, day” and the straw that breaks the camel’s back is when the barista makes you an iced latte rather than the hot one that you requested and you explode, telling them that their job can’t be that hard. As you storm out of your local coffee shop and climb into your car, you feel terribly about speaking to a person in that way and you contemplate finding a new place to get your mid-day caffeine fix. Basically, it’s the mind telling us that our behaviors need to be changed.

Unhealthy guilt, on the other hand, is when you have the same emotional reactions of self-blame, but your behavior isn’t something that needs to be reexamined. This is where the guilt experienced by a sexual assault survivor would be classified. Many survivors feel as though their actions somehow contributed to the assault taking place: they didn’t fight back, they had been drinking, or maybe they had previously had consentual sex with the offender. However, a person should be able to act in any way they choose without expecting to be assaulted; therefore, the survivor’s behaviors never need to be reexamined.

While guilt is a common reaction among sexual assault survivors, an important step in processing the assault is to understand that your actions, regardless of what they were, did not cause it.

1

Stages of Surviving Sexual Assault

Acute Phase

The acute phase of sexual assault trauma syndrome occurs right after the sexual assault, and can last for several weeks. The emotional response in the acute phases can be different for every survivor. Some survivors may have an “expressed” emotional response, such crying, laughing, shouting and talking—any method of letting out any emotional tension. On the opposite spectrum, other survivors may have a “controlled” emotional response, such as being withdrawn, resistant to talking, silent, distracted, numb and disconnected. The different emotional responses may seem strange to an observer, since crying is thought to be the normal response. However, there is no “normal response”—the survivor needs to express herself or himself in any way. In addition to the emotional responses, survivors will also have noticeable changes in sleeping and eating habits.

Reorganization Phase

The next phase of sexual assault trauma syndrome is the reorganization phase. During this phase, the survivor is beginning to reorganize her life after the sexual assault. However, the survivor may feel guilty or ashamed about what happened. As a result, the survivor may punish herself with unhealthy patterns, or participate in risky behavior. Sex is still a sore subject for the survivor, as she or he may find it difficult to sexually connect with anyone.

Resolution Phase

The last phase of sexual assault trauma syndrome, resolution phase, occurs when the survivor has come to terms with her or his experience. The survivor may still be angry, sad or hurt, but is focusing on moving forward. In addition, the survivor also has more control over her or his life, in comparison to how she or he felt after the assault. However, the survivor can still have flashbacks or nightmares, even years after the assault. Healing after a sexual assault is a lifelong process, and the survivor is never “over it.”

3

Book Review: Trauma Stewardship

Trauma Stewardship: an Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others by Laura van Dernoot Lipsky with Connie Burk

Working in a field dedicated to ending violence against others and supporting victims of violence is exposing oneself to violence and its impact on victims, families, communities and ourselves as healthcare workers. Lipsky and Burk address the often-unrecognized toll on those who work in fields focused on trauma.

They present the trauma exposure response that list the impact of violence and crime on responders: feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, a sense that one can never do enough, hyper-vigilance, diminished creativity, inability to embrace complexity, minimizing, chronic exhaustion/physical ailments, inability to listen/deliberate avoidance, dissociative moments, sense of persecution, guilt, fear, anger and cynicism, inability to empathize/numbing, addictions, grandiosity: An inflated sense of importance related to ones’ work.

Anyone who works with traumatized people can experience these feelings, experience anxiety, irritability, and sadness over the crimes that are perpetuated against others, over the amount of violence against others that happens everyday in our communities, over the lack of funding to keep up with the scope of services needed, and the amount of professional training needed.

Trauma Stewardship is an excellent resource for all of us who are service providers who respond to victims of violence and help support our communities in the aftermath of crime. She presents tools to create balance in our working lives to be more effective in our work, be present in our communities and families, and feel at peace with the work that we do.

0

Presenting at conference focusing on the impact of sexual violence

I am honored and excited to be presenting next month with the Office of the Attorney General in collaboration with the Rappahannock Council Against Sexual Assault.  The conference is the first time the OAG’s office is focusing on sexual violence and it’s impact on individuals.   I am honored to be a Plenary Speaker at the event presenting on the Impact of Sexual Violence on Victims.   I will be bringing another therapist, Melanie Gardner, with me to present a case study while I focus on trauma and it’s impact on the brain and the complexities of recovery.  The conference information is below if anyone plans on attending.  There is a bunch of great presentations happening from a variety of professionals and allied agencies over the two days.

November 7-8, 2012 – A Victim Centered Approach to Investigating and Prosecuting Sexual Violence
Presented by The Office of the Attorney General And the Rappahannock Council Against Sexual Assault
No Registration Fee! For more information contact Melissa McMenemy at mmcmenemy@oag.state.va.us or 804-692-0592. Topics Include:♦How Trauma Impacts Victims ♦Trafficking in Sex♦Sexual Violence and Substances ♦Working with the Elderly ♦SARTs ♦Sex Workers as Victims ♦Sexual Violence in Detention Centers ♦SANE Exams.

Agenda for the conference

A Victim Centered Approach to Investigating and Prosecuting Sexual Violence Cases – Agenda

7:30am-8:00am – Registration
8:00am-8:15am – Welcome: Gallery Room – Welcome/Intros/House Keeping
8:30am-10:15am – Plenary: Gallery Room – Understanding Sexual Violence and Abuse; the Impact on Survivors by Carol Olson, LPC, ATR-BC,  CSAC and Melanie Gardner, MA, ATR-BC, LPC, BAT, LMHP
10:15am-10:30am – Break
10:30am-12:00pm – Plenary: Gallery Room – Intimidation of victims and prosecution by John Wilinson, AEquitas
12:00pm-1:15pm – Lunch (on your own)
1:15pm-2:30pm – Break Out: A1 Gallery Room – Sexual Violence and Substances by John Wilkinson, AEquitas
1:15pm-2:30pm – Break Out: A2 Mtn. Shadows Rm. – Our work with the Latino and Other Immigrant Communities by Giovanna Carney, RCASA
2:30pm-2:45pm – Break
2:45pm-4:00pm – Break Out: B1 Gallery Room – Team Centered Approach; Supporting Special Victims by Denise Lunsford, CA, Det. Sgt. Terry Walls, Susan Painter V/W Adv. Albemarle County
2:45pm-4:00pm – Break Out: B2 Mtn. Shadows Rm. – Sexual Assault Response Teams (SARTS) by Kristina Vadas, DCJS and Kristen Pine, YWCA of South Hampton Roads

Thursday, November 8, 2012

7:45am-8:15am – Registration
8:15am-8:30am – Welcome: Gallery Room – Project Horizon Overview with Judy Casteele, Director
8:30am-10:30am – Plenary: Gallery Room – Human Trafficking: The Virginia Experience – Erin Kulpa, OAG
10:30am-10:45am – Break
10:45am-12:00pm – Break Out: C1 Mtn. Shadows Rm. – Elder Sexual Assault by Lisa Furr, VCU
10:45am-12:00pm – Break Out: C2 Gallery Room – It’s Not All About You; Conducting a Victim Centered Sexual Assault Exam by Betty Fisher, SANE Nurse
12:00pm-1:15pm – Lunch
1:15pm-2:30pm – Break Out: D1 Gallery Room – E-Quaintance Sexual Assault: Sexual Violence and Developmental Differences in the Technotronic Era by Laura Glasscock, ACTS SAVAS
1:00pm-2:30pm – Break Out: D2 Mtn. Shadows Rm. – Addressing Sexual Violence in Detention Settings by Cynthia Totten, Just Detention International
2:30pm-2:40pm – Break
2:40pm-3:40pm – Break Out: E1 Mtn. Shadows Rm. – Protective Orders 2011 Legislative Changes Equal Access; Equal Protection by Hunter Fisher, OAG
2:40pm-3:40pm – Break Out: E2 Gallery Room – Dispelling Myths in Sexual Violence by Jasmine Brock, Charlottesville SARA

Related articles
0

Upcoming DV events in Virginia – Close out the month by supporting DV awareness

October 25th, 2012 at 7 pm,

Remember My Name will take place at Monument Heights Baptist Church. The YWCA of Richmond hosts Remember My Name, a nondenominational memorial services that commemorates men, women, and children in the Greater Richmond and surrounding communities who have lost their lives as a result of domestic violence every October during Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This memorial will serve as an opportunity for anyone interested to gather as a community that is dedicated to eliminating domestic violence. Flyer

Friday, October 26th –

The Henrico prevention coalition, Too Smart 2 Start (http://www.facebook.com/#!/HenricoTooSmart2StartCoalition?fref=ts), is collaborating with the Youth Ambassadors in Henrico County (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Youth-Ambassadors-Henrico-Too-Smart-2-Start/162494583852130?ref=ts&fref=ts) to plan a Teen Dating Violence Forum in the Spring of 2013 that will be open to all youth in the Greater Richmond Area, but hosted by Henrico. The coalition is looking for interested individuals who would like to help with planning, getting the word out about, and facilitating this dynamic event! If you are interested in being a part of the planning committee for this forum, please e-mail Stacie Vecchietti at stacie@safeharborshelter.com by this Friday, October 26th.

Monday, October 29, 2012 10:00 am-11:30 am

Office of Justice Programs, 3rd Floor Ballroom 810 7th Street, NW Washington, DC
“The Neurobiology of Sexual Assault: Implications for First Responders in Law Enforcement, Prosecution, and Victim Advocacy” Presented by Rebecca Campbell, Ph.D. Professor of Psychology and Program Evaluation Michigan State University. Dr. Campbell will bring together research on the neurobiology of trauma and the criminal justice response to sexual assault. She will explain the underlying neurobiology of traumatic events, its emotional and physical manifestation, and how these processes can impact the investigation and prosecution of sexual assaults. Real-world, practical implications will be examined for first responders, such as law enforcement, nurses, prosecutors, and advocates. For more information or to RSVP, please contact Yolanda Curtis at Yolanda.Curtis@usdoj.gov or 202-305-2554. The seminar is FREE but you must RSVP to gain access to the OJP building. Please allow 20 minutes to get through security. If you are unable to attend the seminar in person, you can listen to a recording athttp://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/events/research-real-world.htm a few weeks after the seminar takes place.

Related articles

 

0

It’s Time to Ask: What will Congress do to get VAWA passed

Domestic Violence Awareness Month
It’s time to ask–What will Congress do to get VAWA passed

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and an ideal time to ask Virginia’s Congressional Delegation to commit to passing VAWA as a matter of priority during the lame duck session. The recent report from the Office of Chief Medical Examiner indicates that while homicides in Virginia have gone down, intimate partner homicides in Virginia have increased by an alarming amount–21% between 2009 and 2010.

Requested Action
Email, call, tweet, or tell your Members of Congress (who are now back in their districts until after the elections) this simple message:

“October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. We all play a role in ending domestic violence. Congress’s role is to pass VAWA – lifesaving legislation that has transformed the way our nation addresses violence against women. It is essential that a strong, bipartisan VAWA, that safely and effectively meets the needs of all victims, is promptly reauthorized after the elections. Will you commit to passing VAWA as a matter of priority during the lame duck session?”

Use the tweets below, post on Facebook/websites, and/or have this conversation when you see your Members of Congress at events.

Oct is #DVAM2012 . Do your part to end violence against women. Let’s pass #VAWA

Support #DVAM2012! Commit to passing a #VAWA that safely and effectively meets the needs of all victims.

Fact: #VAWA saves lives! Reauthorization must be a priority after the elections

The Background
Despite our collective hard work urging Congress to pass VAWA, they did not do so before they left for recess. As you know, passing major legislation can be contentious in an election year and VAWA’s reauthorization became more politicized than it ever had been in the past. There is still an opportunity, however, for Congress to reauthorize VAWA after the elections (during the “lame duck” session). With the combination of additional pressure from you throughout October and the work of NNEDV and others at the national level, we believe that it is very likely that Congress will act on VAWA upon their return.

So keep up the pressure right through this election cycle—urge your Member of Congress to prioritize post-election passage of a VAWA reauthorization bill that safely and effectively protects all victims.

Click here to find your Representative: http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/

Click here to find your Senator: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm/

About the Action Alliance
The Action Alliance has been Virginia’s leading voice on sexual and domestic violence for 30 years and enhances response and prevention efforts through training, public policy advocacy, public awareness programs, and technical assistance to professionals. To find out more about the Action Alliance, call 804.377.0335, e-mail:info@vsdvalliance.org, or visit us on the web: http://www.vsdvalliance.org. You may also call the Virginia Family Violence & Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-838-8238 (v/tty).

Address postal inquiries to:
Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alli
5008 Monument Ave.
Ste. A
Richmond, VA 23230
Powered By

2

Help Get VAWA passed

We have made so much progress on VAWA! Let’s capitalize on that and get VAWA passed before the end of the year!

During the past year, our collective work ensured that the Senate passed a bipartisan, inclusive and survivor-focused Violence Against Women Re-Authorization bill and have kept Congress and the media focused on the needs of survivors! Our advocacy ensured that a dangerous VAWA bill in the House passed by with limited and very partisan support. At the beginning of October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM), the White House issued a statement<http://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2012/10/01/presidential-proclamation-national-domestic-violence-awareness-month-201> acknowledging the need for inclusive responses to domestic violence: “Despite considerable progress in reducing domestic violence, an average of three women in the United States lose their lives every day as a result of these unconscionable acts. And while women between the ages of 16 and 24 are among the most vulnerable to intimate partner violence, domestic violence affects people regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, race, or religion.” At the same time, the issue of rape has remained front and center in our nation’s consciousness and a comprehensive policy response is needed.

We can capitalize on our momentum and the public focus on women’s issues and get VAWA passed by the end of this year! But to do so we need to make sure that VAWA is an election issue and a priority for every legislator during the “lame duck” session in Congress (after they come back from the election through the end of the year).

Let’s keep the pressure on – because together we can get this bill passed!

Your representatives<http://www.house.gov/representatives/find/> and senators are home campaigning. Call their district offices with this message and also send it by email:

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and 3 women lose their lives every day to this crime. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner. Rape, affecting 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men, is unacceptable. ALL victims of violence must be protected. Yet VAWA expired over a year ago. VAWA reauthorization MUST be a priority in the lame duck session! Please tell your colleagues and Congressional leadership that you want to see VAWA reauthorized now. Will you publicly state before the election that passing VAWA this year is one of your highest priorities?

You can also tweet:
@[your legislator]: What are you doing to make sure #VAWA is reauthorized in lame duck? #DVAM2012

@[your legislator]: Make #VAWA a lame duck priority – reauthorize it now! #DVAM2012

@[your legislator]: Rape is rape. Will you let rape victims know you want to help? Prioritize passing #VAWA in lame duck.

@[your legislator]: Oct is DV Awareness Month. Reauthorize #VAWA now for ALL survivors! #DVAM2012

3

Fundraising for Sexual and Domestic Violence Services in Virginia

Repost for the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Action Alliance

Hey folks ~

Wanted to share – and invite you to participate in – some unique violence prevention fundraising work we’ve been doing here in Virginia.

QUICK BACKGROUND: The Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance decided to create a special fund to provide greater resources for local primary prevention projects. It seems like the grant funding keeps shrinking, and private foundations tend to not fund prevention since it’s seen as “less tangible,” so it made sense to establish their own fund to supplement those resources. To raise money for the fund, we’re using something we have here in Virginia called “special interest license plates.” People can buy plates for their cars designed by a non-profit. A sizable portion of the proceeds then go back to the sponsoring organization. It’s great because most people just renew their plates every year, so you have a yearly influx of general funds.

THE CURRENT SITUATION: We designed a license plate which was approved by our membership and by the Virginia DMV. Now we just need to sell 450 pre-orders to “activate” the plate (that is, get the state to sign-off on its production and start making them). We start seeing income after the first 1,000 are sold. To register for the plate you have to: 1) Live in Virginia, and 2) Fill-out an application and pay the $25 fee ($35 if you want a “vanity” plate).

WHAT WE ARE DOING: To facilitate this plate ordering process we’ve created a very focused microsite (www.drivepeacehome.org) just for that purpose. To “hook” people in the general public sympathetic to our cause, we’ve been creating a series of very short (less than 1 minute) videos featuring kids describing healthy relationships, and we’re “seeding” them on sites and blogs that seem relevant. The idea is that the videos will draw people in, funnel them to the microsite, and (hopefully) provide enough emotional momentum that they’ll fill out the application and send in their payment. Or they can just donate if they don’t want a plate.

The first video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5JqGkYB_js

Please use the marketing videos by distributing them to your social networks to spread the word in your community!

The other 2 videos we’ve made so far should appear as recommended on the side bar or you can access them here: http://drivepeacehome.org/?page_id=39 . PLEASE SHARE ANY OF THESE VIDEOS on your social media outlets, and anywhere else you deem appropriate. Also, feel free to shoot any questions to me about the strategy or execution behind this. Thanks for your help with this effort!

Jonathan Yglesias
—
Jonathan Yglesias, MS
Prevention Projects Coordinator
Virginia Sexual & Domestic Violence Action Alliance
5008 Monument Ave, Suite A
Richmond, VA 23230
(804) 377.0335
http://www.vsdvalliance.org/primary_prevention

0

End Sexual and Domestic Violence In Virginia -join the Action Alliance

Want to be part of the voice against violence? Want to impact health and safety in your community in a positive way? Want to provide support to survivors of interpersonal violence?

Join the statewide coalition and engage actively in the work to end violence in our communities.

Membership Information

Questions about membership? For more information email info@vsdvalliance.org

Become or Renew a Membership on-line

Membership Types

Standard Individual/SDVA Staff $30 Lifetime Member $1000 (PDF Brochure)
Affiliate Membership $250 Sexual & Domestic Violence Advocacy Membership (3-10 FTEs) $500
Sexual & Domestic Violence Advocacy Membership (3 or Fewer FTEs) $250 Sexual & Domestic Violence Advocacy Membership (10-19 FTEs) $1,000
Sexual & Domestic Violence Advocacy Membership (20+ FTEs) $2,000
Individual/SDVA Staff Members

Individual/SDVA Staff ($30)
Benefits =participation in Action Alliance membership meetings, Task Forces and Caucuses; reduced training registration fees; public policy alerts; Revolution
Lifetime Member ($1000)

A lifetime membership constitutes a lifetime connection between you and the Action Alliance. You will never have to pay dues again. Lifetime members will receive all benefits of an individual membership and never have your annual dues increased. Lifetime members will recieve special recognition and be invited to participate in select Action Alliance events.
Affiliate Membership

Affiliate Members: agencies, organizations, businesses and units of state or local government agencies with a commitment to the mission of the Action Alliance ($250)
Benefits in addition to above = resources for victims; access to borrowing public awareness displays (e.g. Silent Witness, Art of Surviving, Beating Hearts)
Sexual and Domestic Violence Advocacy Membership

SDVA Advocacy Members: private non-profit agencies and units of local government, colleges and universities, and military installations whose primary function (at least 75% of activities) is services to victims of sexual/domestic violence and/or community-based prevention of sexual/domestic violence. Tiered membership fee of $250 if fewer than 3 FTEs; $500 if 3 FTEs up to 10 FTEs; $1,000 if 10-19FTEs, $2,000 if more than 20 FTEs.
Benefits in addition to above = Resonance, access to Technical Assitance Calls, access to use of VAdata, reduced Accreditation Fee

0

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑